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Steven Roland

Supporting Your Autistic Child Through Divorce: A Guide for Coparents

Divorce is challenging for any family, but when you're coparenting an autistic child, it comes with unique considerations. As parents, your primary goal is to ensure your child's well-being during this transition. Here are some strategies to help your autistic child thrive while living between two households.

Prioritize Consistency and Routine

Autistic children often thrive on predictability, so maintaining consistency across both homes is crucial. Create visual schedules and calendars to help your child understand when they'll be at each parent's house. Try to keep mealtimes, bedtimes, and daily routines as similar as possible in both homes.

Clear Communication is Key

Be open with your child: Explain the divorce and changes clearly, using language appropriate for your child's developmental level. Consider using social stories to help them understand the new family dynamics.

Communicate with your coparent: Maintain open lines of communication about your child's needs, appointments, behaviors, and progress. Consider using co-parenting apps or shared calendars to stay organized and informed.

Create Safe Spaces

Establish a "home base" or safe space for your child in each home, filled with familiar comfort items. This can provide a sense of security and help ease transitions between households.

Consistency in Support and Therapy

Ensure both parents are familiar with and can implement your child's therapy routines, coping strategies, and support needs. Attend therapy sessions together when possible, and share any new techniques or strategies you learn.

Be Patient and Flexible

Your child may exhibit increased stimming, sensory-seeking, or other autism-related behaviors as they adjust to the new situation. Be patient and understanding during this time. Also, be willing to adjust custody or visitation schedules based on your child's needs and ability to handle transitions.

Maintain United Parenting

While you're no longer a couple, you're still a parenting team. Try to maintain consistency with rules, consequences, and rewards across both households. This unity can provide stability for your child.

Smooth Transitions

Allow extra time for your child to transition between homes. Develop transition rituals or use transition objects if they're helpful for your child. A familiar toy or comfort item can provide reassurance during these moves.

Seek Professional Support

Consider family or individual therapy to help your child process emotions about the divorce. A therapist experienced in autism can provide valuable strategies for both you and your child.

Stay Involved

Both parents should remain actively involved in the child's education, medical care, and therapies. Attend IEP meetings together, share medical information, and keep each other updated on all aspects of your child's care.

Provide Reassurance

Regularly reassure your child that both parents still love them and that the divorce is not their fault. This message may need to be repeated often and in various ways to ensure understanding.

Remember, every child is unique, and what works for one family may not work for another. Be patient with yourself and your child as you navigate this new chapter. With consistency, communication, and compassion, you can help your autistic child adjust to life in two households.

By working together as coparents, you're providing your child with the stability and support they need to thrive, despite the changes in your family structure. Your efforts to maintain a united front in supporting your child's needs will make a significant difference in their ability to cope with and adapt to this transition.

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